It just keeps getting better.

So if if a question is asked, generally i'll provide an answer if I have one. And if it's rhetorical I'll be an asshole about it because generally rhetorical questions are asked in an asshole tone of voice. fight fire with fire or whatever. TANGENT MOMENT. Fire with fire. when you fight fire with fire you're stupid, in the litteral context. why dont you get water, thats a guaranteed win... maybe theres a metaphor with in a metaphor there.... anyways. So on this damn group for smdep this girl asked when we wear professional clothing and I answered.... I answered politely because it was a polite question. Then right as I'm dozing off at about 1 a.m. my stupid iphone makes its little stupid facebook notification noise and to my surprise this girl wants to be my friend... I'm pretty anal about denying people... I mean i don't think I have 400 friends on facebook. I know alot more than 400 people and the only people I generally accept are my actual friends and business partners, lawyers, doctors, or anyone I may need to one day get in contact with. so it's still pending... I don't want to accept her simply because I dont know her.... but I'm expected to get to know her because she's one of the 60 people I'll be getting to know over the 6 weeks there. So what I think I'll do is just keep it pending and if she asks I'll just say I don't ever check it.... so now all my status updated have to be from my phone so that i can say when i do check it all i see is newsfeed, no requests. Like i want to accept her but I won't let myself. Like a smoker trying to quit or something. these people are entirely way to social... i feel like im being smothered already... pessimism at its best right now.


And I cant go to sleep because I keep thinking about my Dad. Like over the last hour I have formulated a new thing to do before I die and that's to advocate for my dad. Idk why but all of a sudden that's my obsession. I can't even imagine it because he knows everything, litterally, and he handles everyone's problems (as far as our immediate family is concerned)... and the only way I can see myself advocating for him is if he has cancer... and it has to be in the future when I'm an oncologist. And family doesn't treat family so another oncologist would be treating him and I see that consuming my life. I would be there with him watching he oncologist like they're a cardiovascular surgeon, in surgery... I can't see me being the appropriate advocate any other time. if he's in legal trouble he has his own law degree and my brother, if he's having arthritis my sister will be a physical therapist soon, if he has Alzheimer's that same sister was a neurologist, and if he gets old and crazy, my other sister is a psychiatrist. The only time I see him needing me is if he has cancer... And it's not cool because he's been there for me no matter what I did, no matter how much he's disagreed, no matter what he stayed with me. I remember in the 7th grade I had cracked my skull at a band concert because I was running and I ran into a kid, a sinificantly larger kid, and bounced off of him into a sharp concrete corner. I was running, but I remembered walking, and I could have sworn the dude pushed me... and my dad stood by me when it came time to deal with the legal and school discipline issues. we didnt sue anyone, and i didn't get in trouble for running, but just the concern he had and the fact that he took like 3 weeks off from work to just sit there next to me while I watch tv, when he could have hired a nanny or a bodyguard.... I feel like I owe him so much and the only time I can be there is when he's dying with cancer... and even then I'm not the one treating him, someone else get to treat him while I watch, in fear.... And I think I have it the worst out of all of my siblings, because he's been there for all of us equally and we've all been through a lot both together and separately and no matter what he was there. But for my brother the worst case scenario is that my dad loses money because he made a mistake, for my sister the worst thing is that he's sad or upset or emotionally unstable in some way, for my other sister he has arthritis, or loses short term memory or something... but for me, he dies, worst case scenario... how sucky is that, and for my little sister who wants to be an investment banker right now he looses 30% of his money becayse he never invests more than 30%. and if that a big deal he has rich kids who will take care of him. I mean he may never get cancer and I may never need to advocate for him, but if he does, I may be the one telling my family "hey guys, you know that amazing man that is 1/2 of our dna and was always there for us, yah well he's gone, forever, because my job kind of sucks..." That is probably my third biggest fear. Hell my first has already happened and my second may or may not, but thats the 3rd. idk why this is going through my mind. I wonder if it happens to everyone, like thinking of some tragic possibilities when you're in the middle of a life transition. But don't get me wrong, my dads fine, mentally and physically, he can probably still take me in a fight but thats only because he hasnt taught me that russian style fighting he knows. everytime we spar the only time he wins is when he pulls some shit like that. But I'm going to talk to my sister about it, and see if she's had any patients like me. I have a few other questions... but I'll keep you guys posted.

Also, Gouti's. Idk if you guys still tune into my blog, but just know that I'm done talking shit about you, at least on the blog. I used to use this as a way of communication with you all, but you're no longer of my concern because from the looks of things, I'll be getting what I want. I feel that you all aren't fond of me, and the feeling is mutual. So there's no need for me to let you know. If I am inclined to communicate with you, I'll do it directly. I may call I may email. I have everyone's contact info and if it changes my dad will more than likely let me know. the only people I'm not at all concerned with are Noor because she's young and gullible in my opinion and "Ferial?" Thats what my dad assumed your mothers name to be. I don't know if that's right or not but her. I have everyone elses emails, all of them, but if I send you a message I'll try sending it to the most active one or the one that was used last if they arent too active. I have your phone numbers too, house and cellulars. I don't imagine I will need to call you at work, but if I need to get you at work my dad can just talk to the security there, but don't think I'll harass you, the only time I intend to exercise communication by phone is if it's an emergency with hanan and even then probably not. I'm the kind of guy that doesn't remember 911 during emergencies... Tangent.... But my point is that you don't have to look at my blog, if you still do. I'll send an email instead. It's probably going to get a lot more personal, and at the same time a lot more pointless(my blog, that is). But I mean if you're actually interested in my life in a noncreepy kind of way, enjoy reading, I encourage it. But if not, I'm asking you to stop, all of you, it doesn't matter if we were great friends or if you never knew me. Please stop. But I do acknowledge the fact that I can't stop you and you can decide to keep reading, but it's creepy, but then again.... you know what nevermind, I'm better than that. But I would just appreciate it if you could stay out of my life and keep me out of yours, I uncharacteristically offered you all a second chance and you all declined. It's probably the best because I tend to regret things that I do uncharacteristically, like that apology. But the past is the past. Just because people do horrible things doesn't mean they are horrible people. I think we can all learn from that, in different contexts. Let's hope this is the last time I intentionally communicate with you, because the next time I need or want to talk to you my dad or my brother will do the talking for me, in terms of the law of course. I'm not trying to scare you, I'm just being straight forward so you aren't surprised or anything. So hopefully we all get what we want for ourselves in life as individuals, and if not, hopefully we become better people because of it.

Last few words

I don't know any of you guys well, even the ones I used to know extremely well, but I do know Hanan, and I do know that relatives seem to have the same tendencies and Hanan is very indecisive and not the most confident person I have ever met. So assuming you guys are like her in those areas heres some advice. Generally your first instinct is the right one, don't second guess yourself, academically or in life. and as far as confidence is concerned here are some quotes that have blessed me through life and have gotten me where I am today, amongst other things. Confidence is admirable to everyone. You will admire the confidence of someone you strongly dislike even if you don't want to. With confidence you can turn nothing in to something. with confidence you can turn thing around when everything is falling apart. But be careful because their is a difference between arrogance and confidence. Most people hate me because I'm arrogant. and their hatred just fuels the arrogance like a "in your face" kind of deal. and those sound kind of like quotes lol... but here are the quotes.


First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do
-Epictetus

They can because they think they can
-Virgil

Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude
-Thomas Jefferson

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams
-Eleanor Roosevelt

I am more afraid of an army of 100 sheep led by a lion than an army of 100 lions led by a sheep.
- Talleyrand

and in a way my signature "when the going gets tough the tough go to work" or maybe not. idk.

But if you don't like them its fine, you can google quotes. but confidence and make things alot easier, in any context. And if your already confident, sorry I couldn't help you better yourself. I generally try to offer advice when ending communication, its just an honorable thing to do. But at least I can say I tried.

Good luck with your endeavors, both individually and collectively
Gary Infinity